BDSM Toys, Implements and Basic Useage: An Introduction

Pain play refers to the incorporation of erotic pain into sexually-oriented play. For someone new to using pain erotically, the techniques to do this successfully and safely are often somewhat elusive. With this article, I hope to enlighten all those curious but inexperienced with light S&M erotic pain - the toys and implements to use, and basic instructions of how to play safely with them. Please note that this article can only give a brief introduction into the techniques used, but if pain play is of interest to you, there are many books, websites, sex toys and resources available to help you learn more about this intriguing aspect of S&M. As always, only play safely and only on a consensual basis.

Arousal and Pain: What is erotic pain?

It's common for people to wonder why pain can be erotic. When someone is aroused, the tolerance for pain may increase within the confines of the sexual encounter. For someone who is responsive to pain, each individual will have their own likes and dislikes. These preferences are to be respected and explored, but NEVER ignored. Listen carefully to the thoughts and feelings of your play partner, and follow the rule of beginning lightly and slowly, and building intensity. It is also wise to have discussed a 'safe word' - meaning a word that when said aloud by the submissive partner, the scene and its activity are immediately ceased. A safe word should be something easy to remember - such as 'red' - that will be immediately honored by the Domme / Dominant partner.

When beginning to explore pain play, many people begin with using pain within a sexual encounter. Lightly biting your lover's neck, scratching his back with your fingernails, pinching her nipples softly and caressing them - these are all forms of erotic pain play, and represent a softer, safer, and mutually enjoyable point to begin. You may continue to explore this with gestures that carry more meaning, such as holding onto or lightly pulling hair, lightly slapping, spanking, cupping and gently squeezing the testicles. Note what your partner is enjoying and if you should find that they aren't enjoying something, move along to something else, decreasing the intensity. Many people require full arousal to like experiencing erotic pain, and if the pain is too sudden or too intense, loss or arousal or a negative reaction may result.

Common Pain Implements and B&D/S&M Toys

• Hands-On: Spanking.

  Spanking can begin as caresses, lying your partner over your lap with your hand on their buttocks. Use your other hand to stroke them intimately, teasing them as you move to light, playful spanks. Focus on the fleshy, lower section of the buttocks; do not hit below (thighs), or above, (tailbone), as this may cause injury or discomfort. Slightly cup your hand, keeping your fingers together, to spank, and caress the spot briefly after each spank. Give a short set of spanks, building slowly in intensity.

• Slapping.

  As slapping tends to be a meaningful gesture - one showing great Dominance and eliciting a variety of feelings from the recipient - this needs to be a mutually discussed activity before playing. Note that those wearing glasses or contact lenses should NOT be slapped in the face. When slapping, place your other hand on the other side of your partner's face as a precaution; injuries have resulted when someone reacted naturally by turning their head with the slap. Though other parts of the body can be slapped or smacked, such as the shaft of the penis or a woman's vulva, you must keep these blows light in accordance with what your partner can reasonably handle and enjoy.

• Paddles.

  Paddles vary in type and construction - from smooth wood to thick leather. Use a broad bdsm paddle that bears no cutout holes, sharp edges, rivets or studs - these will likely leave marks as well as increasing the likelihood of abrading skin. Be aware that bdsm paddling your partner is more severe than spanking, so begin lightly and limit the number of strokes. It is a good idea to give the stroke, and then wait for your partner to nod to accept the next stroke. As with hand spanking, restrict your paddling to the fleshy area of the buttocks. Paddling that strikes bony or sensitive areas can bruise and cause injury.
  

• Slappers.

  A Slapper is usually made of two pieces of rigid leather, sewn together at the handle end and left open at the other. When you strike with a slapper, the two open end pieces slap together, making an audible smacking sound. Note that the narrowness of many slappers increases the chance of leaving welts, so limit your initial sets and use light to moderate force only on the fleshy part of the buttocks.

• Riding crops.

  Though they seem benign, riding crops can be used to tickle your partner's body as well as whip sensitive areas. Practice your accuracy by hitting a pillow or stuffed animal - you will want to be able to hit specific spots without missing. You can caress your partner's body with the crop - particularly nipples, tracing along their thighs to their genitals, and gently stroking their body as they contemplate what you're up to. Strike softly, alternating between using the crop as a whip and an extension of your hand, stroking and caressing. You can flick your partner's nipples, tap him lightly on his penis, and whip her behind. Do not use a crop above the shoulder blades, on the neck, hands, or feet. Women's genitals can only lightly be tapped, and most men can only take light tapping on their penis and extremely light (or none) tapping on their testicles. Restrict blows to fleshy areas.

• Whips/Floggers.

  For those getting familiar with pain play, I do not recommend single-tail whips. These narrow whips produce an intense, painful sensation concentrated in a very small striking area. The accuracy and experience required to use them is beyond the scope of this article, and injuries such as lacerations, eye injuries, and ear injuries can occur with inexperienced users.

• Multi-tailed Whips.

  There are two types of these: cat-o-nine tails and floggers. Cats are distinguishable due to their braided tails, while floggers have many flat tails and a relatively short handle. For the purposes of this article, I will recommend floggers over the more-abrasive cats. Beware of heavy-leather floggers with tails comprising of sharp strips of leather and sharp edges. One of the best types of floggers to begin learning with is one made of soft, lightweight leather, (like deerskin.) Building intensity from light to moderate, this floggers is unlikely to leave marks or case injury when used properly. Stand back from your partner, and look at the spot you wish to strike. Aim the tips of the flogger at this spot, and try to avoid 'wrapping' the ends around the body, (which often causes marks.) Broad partnes of the body, like the buttocks, back, and chest, may be whipped, but avoid: big tits, genitals, inside of the thighs, hips, and limbs.
  

• Clamps.

  Select broad, flat-surfaced clamps to begin, and if the clamps allow for you to adjust the tightness, this is a big plus. As with other activities, it is important for your partner to be fully aroused when accepting clamps; understand that not everyone will be able to take even the lightest clamp administered even briefly. People have different tolerance levels of pain, and there are times that the pain from clamps is completely non-erotic to the partner. Use clamps briefly - for no more than twenty minutes - at this beginning stage. Note that clamps continuously hurt while being worn, even if you have busied yourself with playing or engaged in a sexual encounter. NEVER forget to remove a clamp on a timely basis; remember that clamps close off blood circulation when fastened.

• How to apply nipple clamps:

  nipple clamps may be applied to nipples to begin. Pinch open the nipple clamp, and use your other hand to pinch the nipple, beginning lightly and increasing intensity until it is near the intensity of the chosen  nipple clamp. Raise the nipple up, aim slightly behind the nipple's tip, and approach so the clamp is applied parallel to your partner's body. Close the nipple clamps over the nipple very slowly until it has closed completely, and move your hand away carefully. Do not hit, bump, pull or twist a clamped nipple. Observe your partner carefully; if after two minutes, they have not let our a breath, relaxed slightly, and adjusted to the pain of the clamp, remove it.

• Removing clamps:

  keeping your hand still, grasp the end of the nipple clamp and pinch the free ends together until the clamp releases the nipple. Slowly move it away, and do not release pressure on the ends of the clamp until it is away from the body. Allowing a clamp to close again on sore tissue is extremely painful! DON'T rub the freshly unclamped nipple; let blood return and the tissue recover as touching it will cause great pain.

There are other forms of pain play, including caning, single-tail whipping, clamping more intimate parts of the body, and electrical play, which have not been included here due to the limited depth availabel through this article. If you desire to learn more about these activities, books, websites, and local BDSM organizations and clubs are a good place to start, learn and play real-time. Play on a safe and consensual basis, and communicate often and openly with your partner.